Generally Speaking, I’m Not the Quiet Sort
Want an opinion? I can give you one right now. Need to debate a topic? I’m always game. I love words and conversation.
That acknowledged, there are times when I should truly think before I open my mouth and let the sentences roll out. In my naivety, I think trust is automatic.
My colleague and I were leaving a hotel after attending a conference. It was a nice hotel, a Marriott if you want to know. The kind where taxis are always waiting out front to pick up departing guests. Since the hotel employee exchanged words with the taxi driver about golfing, they must have a rapport, right? I assumed we were in good hands.
How Wrong I Was
All my companion did was ask if the white driver if he liked sports. The rambling tangent began about not being from the city we were in, but from another although he left there when he was eight and moved here and on and on and on. Then the real trouble began. He started to talk about African Americans being rare where he lived as a child. He was, at first, at least polite enough to use the term “black.”
Being a pale white, Celtic-heritage person, I don’t think the color-word we use to describe each other is necessarily a bad thing. However, the story was starting to go down a path that caused my friend and I to tense up and stare straight ahead.
My heart was pounding with anger and my brain was racing thinking: Does this idiot think just because we are Caucasian women that this is an appropriate tale for us? As the thought was finishing, he voiced an inflammatory racial slur and that was the catalyst for me.
I told him he had to be quiet, that I couldn’t hear anything else he had to say, that those aren’t words I want in my world.
Dead silence.
Good
Until we finally got to the airport and were sitting down to lunch and my friend commented on how strange and scary that ride was. That’s when I realized that we were in the desert and he could have kept driving us right by the airport and deep into the far, far away arid land and killed us simply because I told him to shut up.
Since we’re alive, I’m ecstatic that I spoke up. Do I think I made a difference in his life? Probably a slim chance of that. Might he think twice of using that language with another fare? Maybe for a short time, but I doubt if it will stick very long.
Will I think twice about speaking up again? Yes, if I’m in a situation where safety could be a consideration. Not if I’m in a safe setting, though. Given good circumstances, I’ll continue flapping my gums and letting what comes out, come out when it’s the right thing to do.
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Someday I’ll take an Italian water taxi.
That story told, I’m truly not a novice at taking a taxi. Usually, I don’t like it, being a control freak about who I ride with. Who I trust to drive me.
I have certainly had some weird drivers (that ride from Lyon, France to a tiny town a half hour away), good, kind and gracious drivers (Lyon to the same tiny town), a super fun Welsh driver (“I found this car running with the keys in it, the phone rang and you needed a ride, so I thought why not?”), and some blasé, no real descriptive-words-available drivers.
One Taxi Ride Encouraged a Conversation About Trust
I am a blogger, not a journalist, so I’m not researching to seek out the facts of what he said. I will accept it as his opinion and you can accept it as my recounting of the story.
Being a very friendly black man of perhaps mid-thirties, he asked where I was going after he dropped me at the airport. In answer to Pittsburgh, I get the same conversation I always get when discussing my city: black and gold. It depends on the time of year as to whether the reference is to the Steelers, the Pirates, or the Penguins. Same discussion: I don’t care about sports, yes I’m happy for the town when they win, no I don’t feel bad that my life doesn’t revolve around tailgating and play-by-plays.
Off that tangent, I asked about his routes and how he gets fares. He said that within the taxi community of his town, there is a lot of corruption. Hmmm, I pondered that. Other than the mafia (not sure if it’s even around), what could there be to corrupt about taxis?
Turns out a lot.
There are drivers and hotels in collusion. The taxis give a kickback to the hotels who only use their services. He explained how it works, how much more money those drivers earn, and that the only ones suffering are the passengers who end up forking out the extra fares required to cover the payouts.
He told me how those drivers get off the highway at the airport exit, where he takes the exit one and a half miles earlier because it saves his passengers some expense.
After the other taxi ride, this fellow intrigued me in being his opposite in ways beyond color. It was his upbringing, his obvious joy in life, in people and doing a good job.
Then he stated that he trusts that God will bring him where he needs to be and will help him earn the money he needs to allow him to learn by doing the right thing in the right way.
Refreshing.
Trust is the cornerstone of what we do in life and speaks directly to our relationships and credibility. It doesn’t matter if you are a CEO, a minister, or a taxi driver. If you are not able to look in the mirror at the end of each day and assess what you’ve done and how it ties to trust (in yourself, in God), it might be time to rethink tomorrow’s plan.
Wonder how that first driver feels about himself when he looks in the mirror each day.
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Read: Embracing Left Turns
The first driver probably felt justified. People really do convince themselves that their way of thinking is okay. I have never experienced an awkward conversation with taxi drivers. I tend to stay silent in order to avoid an unnecessary conversation – I am clearly not as sociable as you Rose Mary! Good on you for calling him out. There are too many people in this world who like to laud their opinion over others.
I have been verbally abused at least a dozen times whilst in the UK. All were racially motivated and the perpetrators were caucasian men.
There is still a long way to go…..
Phoenicia, you are such a lovely person inside & out, that I hate that you have to deal with racist idiots. What will it take for us to stop seeing color as divisive and embrace it as awesomely unique?
It was a scary event, but I would do it again–especially given the racist attacks in Squirrel Hill. I’m tired of it all. It’s not what God intended for us.
Great post. I have never had an unpleasant conversation with a cab or Uber driver. But I witnessed the horror recently, of a taxi driver verbally abusing my Uber driver and almost hitting us intentionally to scare the Uber driver from ever parking at the hotel where he was dropping me off again in the future. there was hatred and anger in that cab driver’s voice and actions. I reported it to the front desk of the hotel. What is this world coming to ???
Wow, Doreen. That must have been frightening for both of you. There seems to be a broad loss of politeness from our world and I sure do miss it. Thank you for always being a bright spot of kindness.
I think that’s a valid point about safety vs speaking up. Often you have to make a snap decision about whether or not it’s safe to speak up. And maybe that’s why a lot of us keep quiet when we want to say something. It’s a very sad reality. But sometimes we do have to keep our mouths shut to stay safe. Kind of a catch-22 though. Because problems like this don’t get better unless we face them head-on. Sad conundrum.
It’s a huge conundrum, Erica, and since the current administration got in office, I think it’s even more important that we stand up for our beliefs. But oh yes, it’s awfully hard to know what that balance is.
On Medium, I just came across a writer, Baratunde, who is a black gent. He writes about being on a train in England with his white girlfriend and her dad. And beside them is a blatant racist talking to the dad all about how he wants to meet the KKK. Boggles my mind how that can happen. In 2017.
Rose-colored world, but let’s all get along already.
I am glad that you let him know it was not okay to speak the way he was speaking. He might have a “right” to say whatever he wanted to say but you also had the right to not hear it. Maybe it will make him think twice the next time. But, please be safe…
I think we all have the right to say what is on our mind except when it is fundamentally detrimental to another person. So, we can all argue politics, religion, veganism…whatever. BUT we can’t attack each other for the colors we are or other physical traits. It’s just wrong.
I was in a store a few years ago at the height of summer when all my freckles are super dark. There was a couple from India standing behind me with an adorable daughter maybe four or five. She couldn’t take her eyes off me. She finally said, “You have a lot of dots.” Her mom was horrified until I cracked up. My freckles have been called a lot of things, but never dots. What a great point of view. Her mom said they have no word for freckles. That made sense. I offered my arm to the girl to touch the freckles, but she was hesitant. I wonder if that tiny thing opened a door for her–okay to ask questions, okay to explore…okay for all of us to be different.
I love that you spoke up!!!!!!!!! And love that you’re safe. “Those aren’t words I want in my world.” Wonderful. Yes, it is scary when you’re in a “trapped” situation like that, but your goodness over-rode your safety concerns – at least in that moment. In hindsight, was there any gut indication as to what you were getting into before you got into the taxi?
No gut indication other than that he had both snuff and Scope in the console. I thought that was just weird.